For the purposes of this week’s column, I interviewed two people: one is a morning sex lover, and the other is a morning sex loather. All quotes remain direct and uncensored.

The morning sex lover said, “Morning sex is about being sweet and tender with one another, about taking your time with someone, about taking time FOR someone.” Morning sex can expand for hours and hours, sometimes through the afternoon. It’s a lazy, lackadaisical way of greeting your seemingly eternal weekend.

She also referenced that the very nature of waking up next to someone is arousing. “You’re already physically draped around each other; it’s a natural transition.” Transitions in morning sex are very important. Nothing is hurried, desperate or rushed in morning love: it’s gentle. Vital sub point: “Sex is not the only morning activity. Lovers may take walks together and return to bed, or make breakfast, or go to the market to buy produce for that night’s meal.” The transition from sleep to waking life can be perfectly punctuated by expressing physical affection for someone.

The morning sex lover was also anxious to tell me that morning sex cannot be planned. “It’s not a booty call; morning sex is never a quickie.” I’ve always loathed the phrase “quickie” because it connotes speed as the ultimate goal, as opposed to intimacy, caring or expressions of passion. Still, her point is well taken. Mornings seem to linger forever, so naturally, a morning sexual encounter would feel the same. “There is a sense of hope in morning sex.”

So far, morning sex sounds pretty good, right? The morning sex loather says boo. “In the morning,” she explains, “I don’t want anything inserted anywhere, be it a tongue in my ear, or a finger elsewhere.” She has a point. When you’re not yet fully awake, foreplay will have to be greatly extended. However long it takes you to become aroused when fully alert, it may take significantly longer in the morning. Her point is perhaps not all that different from the morning sex lover: morning love takes time and patience. Some people want that in their sex lives, and some people would rather sleep.

Another worthy point: “Why is masturbation forbidden when your partner is happily asleep beside you? You want to get off; they want to sleep in. Do the math.” Some lovers are pleased and comfortable experiencing their partner masturbating; others are not. As I say in every column, you should talk to your partner about their comfort level with this before trying it.

The morning sex loather also mentioned a few points of biological dissonance. The urine issue: “I don’t want anybody on top of me when I haven’t peed for eight hours. And if you get out of bed to pee and then come back, the mood is sort of spoiled.” Perhaps. “And if you’ve just peed, the oral sex opportunities are greatly reduced.” Again, she has a point. It’s best to talk to your partner about these things.

She also mentioned the breath issue, one I’ve often considered. “I’m generally not disgusted by my partner’s breath, as much as insecure about my own.” One possible solution: think of it like eating garlic: if both people do it, neither can really taste it. She also mentioned the dry mouth issue: “Sex requires some lubrication, whether for kissing or oral sex.” Again, a good point. Many people are dehydrated in the morning.

In closing, she proclaimed, “Cuddling is the best way to wake up. Sex is possibly the worst.” Tough to argue with that kind of conviction.

If you’re a morning sex lover, you’ll probably stay that way. Likewise with the morning sex loather. While I believe the right partner can sexually inspire you at any time of day, respect your lover’s preferences. Some wake up randy but not everyone rises to shine. We all meet the day in different ways.

To give a wake-up call to our sex columnist, e-mail sexcolumnist@stolaf.edu. She is available for comments and questions.

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