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ISSUE 118 VOL 16 PUBLISHED 4/15/2005

Shake and fake

By Jennifer Hancock
Staff Writer


Friday, April 15, 2005

A scene that has played out in the bed of more than one St. Olaf student:

Exhausted, disappointed man rolls over in bed. His equally disappointed girlfriend sighs.

Man: Why don’t you ever orgasm during sex?

Woman: It just isn’t as easy for women as it is for men, honey. It isn’t you.

Man: Well, all of my other girlfriends always had an orgasm during sex.

His words are met with silence.

Man: What?

More silence.

Man: What?

Woman: It’s just that …

Man: What?

Woman: They were probably faking.

Ouch! The truth hurts, but listen, heterosexual men: If your woman seems to orgasm easily every time you have intercourse, she is probably faking it.

Heterosexual women: Stop faking orgasm with your boyfriends so that when they date women who actually want to experience ultimate pleasure, we will not have to take on the painful task of disabusing them of the notion that they are naturally fabulous lovers.

The fact that women do not orgasm easily through intercourse alone is not groundbreaking news; by now, most people know it. However, in reaction to this knowledge, many men have decided that in order to be good lovers, they must achieve the goal of making their sexual partner orgasm solely through intercourse. It is easier said than done. In addition, I am afraid that many women continue to fake orgasm, allowing their partners to think that they have climbed the Mount Everest of sexual achievement.

Some women fake to make their men feel good about themselves – at the expense of their own pleasure. Some women do it to let their men know that they can stop their ineffectual efforts to make them orgasm. However, in the end, fakers end up feeling sexually frustrated, and it is difficult to remedy the situation. How do you tell a guy – who thinks you have been having earth-shattering orgasms for the past year – that he has never given you an orgasm and that he needs to change everything he’s doing in order to give you pleasure?

Furthermore, when these men encounter women who are honest about their level of pleasure, their incompetence can cause serious problems. The men may blame their new partners for not being “orgasmic” enough, or they may try to last as long as possible, straining to keep from having an orgasm themselves, as they exhaust their partner and wait for a female orgasm that simply is not going to happen. Eventually, a scene like the one I related earlier may ensue, to the severe discomfort of both parties.

Most women who do not orgasm during intercourse enjoy sex. They do not feel that their boyfriends are less manly or bad lovers because they cannot bring them to orgasm through intercourse alone. So men, make your girl happy and give her the big “O” before or after you get yours.

Some women with whom I spoke also said that they do not need or want to have an orgasm during every lovemaking session, but they do not want to fake an orgasm just to make their man happy either. They claimed that sex still feels good and can be good for women even without climaxing. Many men claimed to experience pain when sex ended without orgasm, but this is not so for women. That is not to say that women who enjoy sex without orgasm always enjoy it that way. Thus, I would suggest that men ask their lady friends what they want and give it to them. In addition, if any men or women out there are set on having an orgasm during intercourse, the man can stimulate the woman into a frenzy pre-penetration and increase the likelihood of her having an orgasm during intercourse – but there should be no hard feelings on either side if it just can’t be done.

Of course, some women orgasm more easily than others, so it’s possible that many St. Olaf women are one of those women. Good for you. But there is nothing wrong with the men who cannot “make” their girlfriends climax during intercourse or the women who don’t orgasm from penetration alone. So stop worrying about it and explore the myriad ways to orgasm through pleasures other than intercourse.

- Any questions or comments may be sent to sexcolumnist@stolaf.edu





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