However, a keen observer will not keep this as evidence of St. Olaf becoming more rowdy, as the events did in fact take place on Carleton’s campus. I guess this must mean that St. Olaf students are only rowdy at Carleton, and therefore, we must cut off communication between Carleton and St. Olaf before their pernicious effects of Neapolitan liberalism harm our campus any further.

The St. Olaf administration has already taken steps toward this ideal isolation. Namely, they have done this with the banishment of St. Olaf students from Carleton’s music festival Arbstock and subsequent booking of insultingly mediocre bands for our own (dry) music festival, Lutefest.

While these actions take steps toward ideal isolation, other programs, such as our libraries’ “The Bridge,” keep St. Olaf and Carleton connected. I am jonsin’ to make a joke about burning bridges right now, but you get the picture.

For anyone who needs further evidence that this policy is solid, take an example I overheard yesterday while “accidentally” wandering into a girl’s bathroom.

A first year named Mary was telling a friend in the next stall about the “rowdy” night she and her friends had the last Friday. She began something like this: “Friday night was rowdy. I am so sore.” Let’s just say my interest was piqued.

“Yeah, Megan, Amy, Sarah and I were so naughty together that I thought our JC was certainly going to ask us to keep it down. The night started out normal enough, but then on our way to dinner, we made a decision to do something crazy. When we got to the caf, we all got Cherry Coke instead of skim milk, I can’t tell you how nervous I was. On the way back toward Kitt, we were all so hyper from the soda that we were calling each other names, like ‘cow.’ Sarah cried and hid behind a tree, that is until the snow started to fall.”

When the snow began to fall, that’s when things got very, very rowdy.

“Amy yelled to me ‘Hey Mary!’ and before I could react, she painted my face white with snow! Ahhhhh! Snow Fight! We fought so hard that before we knew it, there was a purple haze on the horizon, and it was time to go inside. Sarah was so covered in snow that on the way back to Kitt she tripped and fell in a puddle. ‘I got wet,’ she said.

“When we got back to my room, we all looked at each other and then did something really out there, we yelled ‘hot chocolate’ at the same time! Can you believe that? That was rowdy! After we had our [almost too hot] hot chocolate, Megan reached into her Jansport backpack and pulled out, you will never believe it … ‘About a Boy’ starring our favorite, Hugh Grant! We all started talking really loud and were starting to load the DVD, when Amy suddenly fell silent. She was looking at the back of the DVD case. I walked over and looked where her eyes fell. Right in between the running time and copyright information was the object of her gaze, the rating, PG-13.”

With that, I heard the toilet flush, and I knew that my brush with this St. Olaf rebel was over.

We need to keep the Carls’ sticky fingers out of our dorms and away from impressionable students like Mary. If these rowdy instances keep occuring, we could be doomed to become what administrators fear us becoming more than any other thing: a regular school.

Staff writer Jeremy Schowalter is a senior from Racine, Wis. He majors in political science.

Staff writer Jeremy Schowalter is a senior from Racine, Wis. He majors in political science.

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