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ISSUE 120 VOL 5 PUBLISHED 10/27/2006

Sex on the Hill: Boozin' bums

By Paul Dillon
Student Columnist


Friday, October 27, 2006

Dear Master Sex,

This is not exactly a sex-related question, but an urban myth I have been puzzling over lately. To be blunt, I was told that if one soaks a tampon in alcohol and then puts it up one's butt, it could deliver a more unusual buzz. Upon running some experimentation with my roommates, we concluded that a tampon could only soak up a shot's worth of alcohol if removed from the applicator, and even then, a shot is a bit of a stretch. I feel as though a swollen tampon would be a bit difficult to insert. Plus, if the greatest amount of alcohol attainable in one tampon is one shot, isn't it just easier to drink it, or would you have to double barrel? Have you ever come across an event such as this?

-High and Dry In Larson

Dear HADIL,

No, I've never personally used an alcohol enema, nor would I recommend using them.

However, your urban myth is not just a myth. Many people, such as alcoholics (who are at risk for stomach ulcers) and others with medical conditions that might prevent the oral consumption of alcohol have been known to use other orifices to get a little schwasted.

But first of all, a tampon? Seriously? Okay. Ouch. Maybe it's just because I'm a guy and don't have to subject my innards to dry scratchy cotton on a monthly basis, but I simply can't imagine shoving a bloated alcohol-soaked tampon up the bum without zounds and zounds of lube.

Secondly, hard alcohol? Wow. If it burns going down your throat, I'm sure it's gotta feel really spectacular coming up your extremely sensitive rectal tissue. One woman who accidentally administered a hard alcohol enema to herself was the lucky recipient of a lovely condition called colitis, which entails bleeding, burning and (quite understandably) quite a bit of anxiety (Michopolous et al. 2000).

Moreover, this method of delivery can be downright dangerous. In fact, a Texan woman managed to kill her husband last year by pouring sherry up his bum. His blood alcohol level was measured at a ridiculous 0.47. Given, she did use two full bottles, but the dosage may have been quite lethal even at lower levels. Another older woman who was accidentally delivered an isopropyl alcohol enema ended up dying from it (Haviv, Safadi, & Osin 1998). These cases are just some of many deaths due to alcohol enemas.

When you drink alcohol through your mouth, you metabolize it and process it through your liver and other organs. However, when you deliver it through your rectum, you absorb it directly into your circulatory system, rather than processing and metabolizing it. Therefore, delivering about a shot's worth of hard alcohol rectally may be equivalent to 10 shots taken orally once it gets in your blood stream directly. Moreover, a rectal delivery system, unlike an oral one, has no safeguards against poisoning, such as the ability to vomit up the offending toxins.

If you're young and healthy, then you have no reason to take alcohol this way. The kind of buzz you get from alcohol enemas is the same kind of buzz you get from drinking, except with far more danger. And, if you simply really like enemas, there are many substances other than alcohol that klismaphiliacs (people who find sexual pleasure in enemas) can use.

As with all alcohol consumption, remember that intoxication impairs your judgment and puts you at risk for unwanted and unsafe sexual activities. While the burden of evidence weighs against attempting this, if you decide to try boozing this way, make sure you do it in a safe space (obviously, far off campus) and among supportive friends.

References:

Haviv, Y. S., Safadi, R., & Osin, P. (1998). “Accidental Isopropyl Alcohol Enema Leading to Coma and Death.” American Journal of Gastroenterology, 93(5), 850.

Michopoulous, S., Bouzakis, H., Sotiropoulou, M., Papaspyrou, I., Tsibouris, P., & Kralois, N. (2002). “Colitis due to accidental alcohol enema: clinicopathological presentation and outcome.” Digestive Diseases and Sciences, 45(6), 1188-1191.

Please send all your sex-related questions to sexcolumnist@stolaf.edu





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