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ISSUE 120 VOL 7 PUBLISHED 11/10/2006

New Jersey empowers

By Lindsey Myers
Staff Writer

Friday, November 10, 2006

I have a dream. If you'’re a homosexual, I don'’t expect you to share it. – I know your priorities are unnatural and frankly, so disgusting in comparison with my own that the dream may seem abnormal. But whichever lifestyle you’'ve chosen to pursue, read on. This is a matter of national and spiritual importance.

I dream that, by the time I graduate or shortly thereafter, I’'ll be married. (It is, after all, unnatural and against both biology and theology for women to wait until after 25 to marry, and I don’t want my children to be smote by retardation!)

I dream that within my marriage, my husband and I will cheat on each other as often as we like, and misuse and/or neglect the natural offspring we create to our hearts'’ content. Finally, when my dream has been met to the fullest degree, I fantasize that I will file for a legal and natural divorce or be widowed and luxuriate in the godly existence afforded to me by the financial compensation that will follow.

I thank my God and country for giving me the rights to pursue this dream in a fully legal, righteous context. One disturbing event, however, leads me to fear for this right and write this article. I am speaking about New Jersey’s recent ruling on gay marriage rights.

Now the clock is ticking for the New Jersey Legislature to design a bill that define the terminology of gay marriage rights, and I for one am referring to this time period as “the 180 days preceding the Apocalypse.” Unlike the 12 days of Christmas, there are no pear trees or maids a-milking in this countdown. Instead, there’s a bleak future with many flamboyant lords a-leaping right into godless unions and the dissipation of marriage as we know it.

I only hope that New Jersey realizes what it'’s doing. Everyone knows that homosexuals are just looking to create alternative households where love, Jesus and freedom are not welcome. Isn’'t this obvious when they’'re fighting for adoption rights? Sure, you may think they want to adopt children out of love and a desire to create a family, and that the legal battles they engage in testify to the dedication they would apply to the actual rearing of said children, but that’'s what they want you to think. And, yes, it looks deceptively beautiful when they'’re seeking legal rights to committed monogamous relationships, but that’s all it is – deception!

Maybe I'’ve gotten carried away. Or, admittedly, maybe I have a few points I want to leave you with and I need to drop the irony to allow my actual passionate preaching to come through. The bottom line: Anyone who thinks that the religiously founded prejudice against homosexuality should shape legislation towards marriage rights does not belong in America.

Fifty years ago, people still believed it was biologically and theologically unnatural for African Americans to marry caucasians. (Sadly, there are still a few of those people left even today. We like to call them “skinheads.”) Thankfully, enough people had the courage and the intelligence to know that one cannot base the legality of citizens’ rights on assumptions ruled by religion and individual ideologies.

It is an equally ridiculous notion that denying marriage rights to committed individuals will strengthen the institution of marriage. If that were our actual agenda, we would make it illegal for celebrities to marry, as they make a bigger farce of marriage than gay couples ever will.

Bravo to New Jersey for taking a step in the right direction, although they unfortunately still left the loophole for the legislature to deny the term “marriage” to gay unions while giving them the rights of one: I picture the registrar telling me that I don'’t get the actual title of my majors on my diploma. I’'ve still graduated; I still have the same skills and education:– why get hung up on the nomenclature of my degree? Easy: It is St. Olaf'’s way of advertising my education as legitimate and legal. I only hope that New Jersey, and eventually the rest of the country, will apply the same privilege to gay marriages.

Staff Writer Lindsey Myers is a junior from Appleton, Wis. She majors in English, history, and in political science.

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