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ISSUE 120 VOL 19 PUBLISHED 4/27/2007

Women spawn sperm: Stem cells may help lesbian moms, infertile men

By Lauren Ciechanowski
Staff Writer

Friday, April 27, 2007

According to research at the University of Newcastle, infertile couples and homosexuals can now have their free birth control and eat it too: reports that scientists have harvested stem cells from bone marrow to create sperm cells. Because women posses only X chromosomes, female same-sex couples could only have girl babies, while male-male and male-female couples could produce children of either sex.

Male-male couples, of course, lack eggs and uteri and any number of other components necessary for reproduction, which could create a snag in their plans to successfully multiply. With the way stem cells are taking off these days, though, I reckon it won’'t be long before scientists are able to cook up a little man-womb in their labs. Until then, only women possess the ability to reproduce with stem cell sperm.

As a lesbian, my first thoughts when I heard this news were complete jubilation as I learned that my desire for world domination could at last be realized. While the utopia of the 1915 book “"Herland”" ended in a patriarchal mutiny, I really think that we have a good shot at making this work. I mean, this world would probably engender a patriarchal mutiny as well, we just wouldn't pretend otherwise.

The homosexual agenda has until this point been limited to controlling media, crusades for so-called “equal rights” and infringement upon religious truths and practices. The opportunity for lesbian couples to at last produce genetic offspring now provides us with limitless potential for furthering our cause. Though research has unfortunately shown that my children will be no more likely to be homosexual than your average Jane, I still cross my fingers, and I'’ll do my best to raise a deviant child. The idea of my progeny running around in polar-fleece with sippy-cups full of coffee is at once comforting and overwhelming. I had long since resigned myself to having to mold a non-relational child into the image I had created for them, and that was definitely a lot more work than I cared to invest in one person. Now that the possibility exists for me to have biological children, I feel quite liberated; after several lab technicians and I knock up my woman, I can relax and let my genes take over.

Some critics might argue that stem cell technology could potentially be misused. I ask them, how can anyone possibly misuse sperm? While the phrasing of my question may leave too much to the imagination, is any couple really more deserving of a biological child than another? With the exception of a few liberals who will probably impregnate themselves to have superfluous abortions for kicks, I really don’'t see stem cell sperm as an abuse of science.

I was initially going to make the focus of this article the ethical debate surrounding stem cell research, but I’'m really not sure how much of an issue it actually is. Perhaps I have a profoundly flawed moral schema, but when it comes right down to it, sperm is sperm. I say, harvest my stem cells and sow my seeds; I’ve only been able to think of good girls’ names, anyway.

Staff Writer Lauren Ciechenowski is a senior from Oak Park, Ill. She majors in political science and in sociology/anthropology.

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