A LUG is an acronym for "lesbians until graduation." But still, what is a lesbian until graduation even supposed to mean? It is classified generally by straight, sophisticated, but busy woman in her educational years. They choose to engage in same-sex intimacy without any drama of having a monogamous relationship.
Still intending to marry a man and raise a family, such ladies have found the college boyfriend search to be a drag. They realize their lives may be too busy to find the trust and companionship of a male to release much of that twenty-something lust.
It is not an uncommon scene: Lola and Becky just finished watching "Mean Girls" for the eighth time this year and their after-movie conversation slowly turned to the topic of boys. They find themselves sharing initiate secrets of heated past experiences, their cheeks are flushing as their bodies relive the experiences their stories explore, and they are becoming more giggly and excited.
Neither knows who initiated it, but their warmed faces connect in a kiss that ignites the night's events to come. Like some, the next day they react in true best friend form. They talk about it and agree they aren't exactly feeling like newlyweds, but both found the night was satisfying physically, and more important emotionally. They were able to share a new part of their friendship that says nothing about their respective sexualities.
Sadly, many girls find themselves close to such experiences but find that their internalized homophobia blocks out any foresight of the positive consequences. But acceptance and experience in these kinds of relationships are not only emotionally safe but also natural.
As a recent New York Times article from April 10, 2007 states that recent studies, as well as history, has shown, while men tend to generally have an orientation choosing one sex over the other, women tend to have more bisexual attractions.
One should note, this has little to do with the orientation of women -- choosing to engage in soft cuddling or kissing with a girlfriend does not necessarily mean she will one day have to choose to marry a man or a woman. It means the sexual compatibility range has a greater variance.
Before the heterosexual males reading this column start reeling wildly over the shocking injustice of female sexual exploration, consider this point: Having talked to my women from my mother's era, they simply packed their sexual needs away for four years or a diamond ring; whichever came first.
And, as any good Sex Education 101 class will tell you, a sexually active woman keeps the priority of healthy sex play alive in her day-to-day life. All you have to do is offer a reason for her to feel the trust, empathy and interest to extend that intimacy into your life.
Whether or not you have heard of the word LUG before or were even aware of the relationship concept, it is important to not let our category-assigning minds to think in terms of black and white when it comes to our sexualities.
So, as we break for the summer months you might want to think forward to an important issue that I haven't addressed in column on LUGs; consent, rape, and sexual identity.
These are all important conversations to have with your roommate for next year. There is probably no more difficult issue to sharing a bedroom than what is important about your sexuality and sexual behavior. In a shared bedroom, there is no real assured confidentiality around issues like sexual identity, masturbation, and who might also share your affections or mattress.
Feel free to use this column as a guidepost to learning more about consent, rape, and sexual identity for the year to come. You can ponder the answers all summer while you contemplate the complexities of dormitories and your social life at St. Olaf next year.
Sex related questions, comments or suggestions can be e-mailed to firstname.lastname@example.org.