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ISSUE 121 VOL 18 PUBLISHED 4/25/2008

Sex on the Hill: Suck face all over the place

By Miriam Samuelson
News Editor

Friday, April 25, 2008

Ah, spring. The flowers are finally in bloom, chirping birds wake us up in the morning and we can finally wear the shoulder-baring clothing (or lack thereof) that we've been itching for these last five months. Oles have moved out of hibernation and into the outdoors, everything from eating lunch to doing homework to campus golfing. We have also moved outside for another activity, an activity that almost everyone on this campus condones and enjoys: making out.

No longer are Oles bound to the inverse schedules of their roommates to get it on; now we can venture into the great outdoors to watch the sunset together, to go on a romantic walk, to have a deep conversation or & a little bit more. The vibe is decidedly the most sexual of the year.

In honor of such an atmosphere, I have put together a list of the top five makeout spots on campus. A word of warning: no place on the St. Olaf campus is entirely private, except maybe your own dorm room, and it's worth noting that making out al fresco is much more acceptable at night than it is during the daylight. So if you don't want anyone to see what you're doing or if you want to do it during the day, take it inside. But for the casual makeout session, for the it's-late-Saturday-night-and-everyone's-partying-so-what-the-heck situation, or for those who are desperate enough to risk a little peep show action, these locations are for you. 1. The benches in the natural lands. Located by the pond behind Skoglund, these benches boast width and length for a variety of makeout positions. (Keep in mind, however, that public nudity is illegal, and that you may not be the only people looking for a little privacy or romance in the natural lands.) The bench nearer to Skoglund is less private, and the one on the other side of the lake is more hidden. 2. The circle of benches behind Rolvaag. My advice for this cove-like locale is to wait until the trees have filled out a little more -- I saw a couple getting it on there the other evening, and it was a little tactless. However, if you don't mind the spotlight, this circle of benches offers a quaint atmosphere for H to Hs (heart to hearts, for those of you who didn't attend middle school in the last 10 years) or DTRTs (determining the relationship talks). And, of course, for making out. If you want a little more privacy, venture further to the back steps of Rolvaag, or go inside the back door entryway (which can also be accessed through the back steps of the English department). 3. Boe Chapel: behind the organ pipes. I had heard legends of this space behind the organ pipes in front of Boe Chapel, but I must admit I didn't research the prospect of making out there until writing this article. Both my parents are Lutheran pastors, so I have a propensity toward sacrilege -- if the idea of making out in a place of God offends you, by all means don't do it. But if you're up for honoring earthly and spiritual pleasures simultaneously, this gap behind the pipes does indeed exist. Use it wisely, and keep in mind that there is a TV channel with 24/7 surveillance of Boe. 4. Under the bleachers by Manitou Field. This one is a throwback to the '50s, when all the cool football cats and cheerleaders were making whoopee under the bleachers. It requires a bit of planning ahead (some padding -- a pillow or blanket -- would be nice over the bed of rocks that surrounds the bleachers), but is classic nonetheless. 5. Old Main Hill. If "under the bleachers" is the classic American romance saga, Old Main Hill is the classic Ole romance saga. Generations of Ole couples have perched on the Old Main steps to watch the sun rise together, and I know of a few proposals that have taken place in that vicinity as well. Because it's so quintessentially St. Olaf, you have to be prepared to share the space with other couples. But if being part of that Olaf tradition is your thing, Old Main Hill is for you. And even if you find the tradition slightly repulsive, there's always the crickets chirping and the stars glowing to spice things up. So there you have it, my recommendations for where to make out on campus. Most of them desecrate the sanctity of these halls of academia, but sometimes that's necessary. And hey -- it's spring. You're horny. I'd say that desecration is perfectly acceptable, within reason.

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